in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
