i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
