what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Even my vagina gasped.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
