What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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