I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
