He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
