Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize