Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
