i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
