It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
