i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
