Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
