I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
