I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
