mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What drink are we having for lunch?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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