In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
