We're facebook friends in real life
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
