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I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You can't just leave with hair like that
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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