At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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