but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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