Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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