and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
