So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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