I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
