I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
