Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
