her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
