theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
