my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
