My sheets look like a crime scene.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
