So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
