That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
