I am midnight drunk by noon
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize