I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will be naked everywhere
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Come on in and take your pants off
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