i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
