You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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