i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
