If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
