I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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