I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
