my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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