I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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