There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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