it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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