i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
