Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
