the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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