pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
