Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
