What a fucking waste of an outfit
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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