wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
