Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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