I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize