the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
