addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
