All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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