I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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