so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
