Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
