I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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