just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
