pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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