you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
