he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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