he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
no you cant smoke seaweed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
