You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
