apparently the secret to your success is patron
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I want you more than these girls want KFC
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
