So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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