It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
